HELP ME....(potty training)

[KimberlyGiarrusso]

Girls, I am at my wits end. My DD (just turned 3) refuses to potty train.

I did the potty boot camp thing, and let her run without a pullup for a week straight. Didn't work. Every 10 minutes I asked her if she needed to go (she always replied NO) and every half hour I would put her on the toilet. I gave her tons of drinks and still she would hold it, then run in the playroom and go on the floor.

I did the reward thing, and offered her treats for her success. (That is the method that worked with my son) Didn't work. She just refuses to use the toilet.

She knows what this potty training thing is. She mastered it once before. Just before Kaelyn was born, I was potty training Braydon and Amalie totally trained at the same time. (She was 16mos.) It lasted for about three months then she regressed. (Figured it had to do with her age and the fact that we brought a new baby home).

She brings me magazines and shows me pictures of girls her age and says "mommy, these girls use the toilet" and she tells Braydon that he gets to go to school cause he "uses the toilet". BUT she refuses.

Please help me. I always thought that training a girl would be easier, but dang, I just can't figure this one out! I fear she will be in diapers at 20.

[BrigittevT]

Just my idea, but maybe she understands how important this is for you and simply refuses, kind of challenging you .... With my oldest one it took ages, the second one I decided not to do anything about it. Guess what ? One day she told me she wanted to use the toilet and was trained within no time at all .... Just leave it for a while, tell her it is not so important. Trust me ;-) every child gets potty trained eventually, way before her 20th birthday ! Good luck !

[MarshaZepeda]

awwww! poor kim! I have a friend that has a son 3 months younger than my ds... and he's still not potty trained either. (He'll be 4 in July...) Mine's been potty trained for gosh... it seems like a long time already! (He was my easiest!) Once he quit, he quit cold turkey! No diapies at night either! woo hoo! My dd regressed, too (but only at night... she stayed with night time diapers until just after 4 yrs old...) yuck. lol! It's bad when they can change themselves though. I told my friend to leave him in his mess to make him dislike it and WANT to potty train but she told me that he'll just change himself and leave his pullups in the tub... :whatchuta So honestly, I have no advice whatsoever but I do have a :60: for ya... good luck! I say just leave her until she's ready, too... but I know how frustrating/expensive that is, too.......

[YvetteSanders]

I had major problems with DS - Finally we told him, that's it, we know that you know how to go, if you aren't going to do it, it's back to diapers. Not your cute little buzz lightyear pull ups, but your cloth diapers from when you were a baby. Naturally he ignored us, so we made him wear the diapers - he was so mad he actually laid on his bedroom floor screaming. But, the next day he was a completely new kid! Sure, he still had a few accidents, but nothing too serious or too often. It sounds really mean as I type it out, but hey it worked LOL

[sinead]

I'm with you, Kim. My DD has no interest at all. She'll go to the potty, but only after she's already gone in the pullup. She said she wanted big girl panties this morning so we went with that and then I cleaned up 4 accidents in 2 hours. Even though i asked and asked and asked and then outright just put her on the potty, she still held out and peed in her underwear.

Just wanted you to know that you're not alone!

[MarshaZepeda]

I had major problems with DS - Finally we told him, that's it, we know that you know how to go, if you aren't going to do it, it's back to diapers. Not your cute little buzz lightyear pull ups, but your cloth diapers from when you were a baby. Naturally he ignored us, so we made him wear the diapers - he was so mad he actually laid on his bedroom floor screaming. But, the next day he was a completely new kid! Sure, he still had a few accidents, but nothing too serious or too often. It sounds really mean as I type it out, but hey it worked LOL

Heeeeeyyyyyy... that's a good idea! hmmmm... I'll have to share that with my friend... maybe even those really uncomfortable plastic overpants, too, huh? lol!

[chloe]

I'm absolutely useless here, but I just wanted to send you lots of (((((hugs)))))! Good luck!

[Rynonut Mom]

I'm of the opinion that she's playin' you too, Kim! She knows you want her too and she knows that she gets attention (both good and bad) for it. Maybe just "lose interest" in it yourself - she brings you the magazine and agree with her - "yeah - she is a big girl, she's on the potty" and leave it at that. Maybe if she sees that you won't give her more attention, she will go on the potty for then she will get attention...
Ryan was 4 before he was trained and Matthew actually was easier and faster (at 3.5) to train than Ryan. We just kinda didn't push it super hard with Ryan and with Matthew, he knew what to do from school, but we waited until this last summer to really go at it. He had a really bad week, and then went to perfect (at night too) ever since! :)
Good luck, honey!!!!!!

[jpysgrl]

I rewarded my DD, who is almost 4, with computer time. She would see her big brother playing on it and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. And with all those kids channels pushing www. whatever .com on her. She finally had #1 down. I told her everytime she messed in her pants that's on less time on the computer. So FINALLY for about 2 weeks now she is totally trained. Thank Goodness. I don't mind changing diapers but changing messy panties is another thing altogether.

Good Luck!

[scrappinmichele]

we have the same problem with my 3 yr old son. He can do it...he just chooses not to. He can go several days where he'll wear big boy undies and do great then he'll decide he doesn't like it and start going wherever. I've just decided that when he's ready..then he'll do it for good. I'm tired of pushing it and cleaning up messes. :D And I've also found that the bigger deal we make of it (good or bad) the less likely he is to want to do it. So...we don't make a big deal of it anymore.

[Karah]

Ugh, I'm so sorry! Maybe she's just physically not ready? My kids have been pretty different - my oldest was so completely not physically ready until after he was three - we tried before that and it was just frustrating to both of us. But once he was ready, it was SO EASY. Then with ds 2, he day-trained at 2.5. But he just night trained last month at almost 5. With ds3, he was about 3 years 2 months when we started training and it took him a little bit longer than the others to really get the hang of it, but he's now completely day & night trained at 3.5.

Do you use pullups? If you do, stop. LOL. Have you tried doing something like telling her if she doesn't have an accident for 3 days that she can go pick out her own big-girl underwear or something?

Other than that, I have no clue. LOL. So helpful, I know. Keep us posted!

[KimberlyGiarrusso]

I totally agree that there is a "playing me" factor involved. She is soooo stubborn with every other aspect of her life that this is just another thing for her to have control over. I think I will drop it for now. Man, I really wish that I could conquer this. I know it's me that wants it, not her. You girls have been great with your advice! Thanks sooo much!

[Valgal]

I agree that she's just being stubborn. If she was only 2 I might say that she's probably not ready, but at 3 it's time to get 'er done. I have 2 different ideas here... with Eden we took the little potty and put it right in the livingroom. People came over and thought we were white trash for sure, but it worked. She was much more likely to take the 30 seconds out to sit on it if she didn't have to leave the TV and her toys and all that stuff. When she got better at it, we moved it upstairs.

Also, you might try putting panties on her, and if she has an accident she has to clean herself up (ie. take off the panties, put 'em in the dirty clothes, put fresh clothes on). She'll be less likely to have accidents if she has to deal with the aftermath. That also worked for Eden.

Hope she gets the hang of it soon!!! It's so frustrating, isn't it???

[ccouch]

phew! i know this stinks for you kim, but i'm sooo... thankful to know that i'm not the only one with a reluctant 3 year-old. all of camille's little friends were potty trained at like 2 and 2 1/2 years, but she turned 3 this weekend and has just started to show interest. before, she cried & screamed and i just didn't want to push it.

here's what i did: i talked about big girl panties and about what kinds of things camille would get to do when she was a big girl using the potty instead of diapers, like getting her toenails painted and whatnot. i suggested that she go every now and then, but didn't push it. out of the blue this past week, she brought both potty chairs into the living room (we have 2 - one up and one downstairs). elmo sat on one and she sat on the other. and she tinkled. that's as far as we've gotten. she's been wearing panties around the house (yep, my carpet cleaner is working overtime), but she's so excited all of a sudden.

seems like the best thing i did was just allow her to decide when she was ready. best of luck to you, sweetie! hang in there!

[taylormom]

I can totally relate! I wanted to get DD potty trained before my baby came. She was 3 1/2 at the time. We had tried previously at 2, 2 1/2 and at 18 months (I know, pretty young. But DS was potty trained at 18 months so I thought it would be no problem with her too). The two later times she did great and then would regress after 1 or 2 weeks. We thought we were done when she was 3 (she went one month on the potty). But after the baby came, she regressed again. We tried EVERYTHING... bribes, rewards, you name it! We even asked her pediatrician about it. He says it was because SHE wanted to be the one in control. Finally, my uncle gave me a suggestion that worked with his daughter... We bought one last package of pull-ups. She came to the store with us to buy it. We told her that this was the last set we were buying and that once all the pull-ups were done she would have to use the potty. We would remind her on a daily basis so she knew we were serious. I got nervous after we threw out the last pull-up but she had no problems switching to the potty and she never went back!

I hope that helps. I know how frustrating it can be!

[meems]

Sigh. I'm going through the same thing! Lily will be 3 in March. I thought she'd be so easy to train, laugh's on me.

I pretty sure that if she wanted to, she'd be trained in no time. but for some reason, she is being very stubborn about it. She holds her pee for HOURS. I think I may take her to the ped just to make sure that nothing else is going on. She refuses to pee in her diaper and refuses to pee in her potty. She seems to prefer to pee in her sleep.

She really wants Cinderella shoes and I told her she could have them if she used the potty. Nope, she won't do it.

I got her Disney Princess underwear. For awhile she wore them but now refuses. I am a pushover and let her have Disney Princess pull-ups. I had put her back in regular diapers but had no effect.

I think I scarred her or scared her the one day when I was really trying to get her to use the potty. heavy sigh.

[ajoyfulheart]

Kim sweetie...just let her be. She WILL be potty trained when SHE is ready ;) I had tried with my son several times during the ages of 2 and 3...he just wasn't ready, and it seemed that any pushing I did just made him NOT want to go potty any more! I did the whole stickers, M&M's treats stuff, and he loved that, but I found him just sitting there, not doing anything, just to get a treat :P

My daughter is a year and three days younger than him, and when she saw him being potty trained, she wanted to do it too, so she was trained before him! LOL He wasn't fully trained until he was 4...and even then he would still wet the bed at night...*sigh* But NOW, he is fine, and he is 11, so see...they won't still be in diapers when they are 20!! LOL :P

Seriously though, with Chloe, I'm just going to introduce her to it, and then follow her cues...the last time was just too frustrating, and it kept making ME feel like a failure for not being able to get my child potty trained...and that is a whole caboodle full of un-needed stress! (((HUGS))) to you ;) Sorry for rambling!!

[Rynonut Mom]

The buying the last set of pull ups is a good idea! :)