View Full Version : NSBR - Mom of twins, your thoughts please!
11-02-2011, 12:58 PM
Long story short: we are having fertility treatements since about 2 years. I already had 3 IUI, 1 IVF with a "fresh" embryo, one FET (frozen embryo transfer) with one embryo, all unsuccessful, and we have 2 frozen embryo left from this first IVF cycle. Our fertility center asked us, for the first time, if we want to transfer two frozen embryos all at once on the next attempt, or just one as the previous times. It slightly increase our chance of success, but also our chance/risk of having twin.
We don't have a huge budget, we only have one room for kid(s) and we never had babies before, of course, so no "training" at all. Mom of twins, any input? Is the little gain (slightly better chance of pregnancy) worth the "risk" of having twins and freaking out like mad when seeing two heartbeats??? :wink: I want to know how bad financially it is to have two kids at once (knowing that we have friends who had twins, we could get some stuff for free/cheap from them), how hard it is to manage life when you go from couple to family of four all of the sudden, please share! TIA
11-02-2011, 01:13 PM
Oh gosh...what a thought process. I have no clue about twins, but I can say this. I have been at this parenting thing for 26 years now. 8 pregnancies, only 3 surviving babies. There were times that I wondered if I was going to make rent, stay on food budget, but not one single time did I ever doubt that no matter it would all work out. Life just seems too plug along, most times the best way it could have. We plan, we pushed, we pull...then realize life is going to happen without much influence from ourselves. I stayed focus on the important issues and always woke up the next day going, phew...that was close but we are here.
There is absolutely NO WAY to plan some ideal plan of what you think may happen. I will not even begin to tell you of all the ways I found not to do something or handle something. One story referencing my oldest pulling the outside trash can inside to take his toys with him when he was planning his escape one morning at 1am...he was 6! I never envisioned that moment (but don't you dare take it from me as I smile even now) as I laid on the operating table while they saved his life by taking him out of me.
They all live healthy despite my multiple attempts to poison them with my first efforts of cooking. They are happy and loved, love back....the world is lucky to have them in it. You are all welcome for my fertilized eggs that are giving to the world. Just make your decision on what the medical advice is for increasing your chances, not what you think or may or not happen if those chances bring you any number of babies. Two is more workable then a dozen. That is the normal ways eggs come, right???
We are women, we have super powers. Sending you continued thoughts of peace with your decision....:)
11-02-2011, 01:33 PM
Danyale, you made my day with this post! Mwah!!
Just before you gals start thinking I'm already a bad mom before even being a mom, let me add... Of course, I will take whatever comes and be happier than happy. I wouldn't even have thought about having twins if it wasn't for the treatement and if I wouldn't have the choice. Problem is... I have the choice, and we will have to make a decision within the coming 3 weeks. Eeeeeek!
11-02-2011, 01:57 PM
Chloe, I'm a mom of twins... twice mom of singles before as well... LOL, it's scary, but it's not a 7-headed beast. Seriously. It's hard in the beginning, because they need you so often and you are tired, and frustrated and one will be crying while you take care of the other and then vice-versa (laying it the way it is, I hope it doesn't scare you off) but after those first 4 months or so, you get used to it and you do whatever it is that you have to do. Everything falls in place and suddenly you cannot even imagine having only one at a time ROFL. It's great to see them growing together and well worth all the headache. Is it easy? no. Is it worth it? sure thing. I know you will do great whether you have one or two. So if you feel like giving it a try don't be afraid ;)
Huge hugs and positive energy sent your way while you make this tough decision.
11-02-2011, 02:22 PM
Danyale, what a beautiful, beautiful post. :heart:
Chloe, I'm not in your shoes, but if transferring 2 embryos means twice as much chance of just one sticking, I think it's a no brainer. If you end up with twins, you will make it work. But if it were me and I only transfered one and it didn't work, I would forever wonder "what if". I would do what you can to maximize any pregnancy. You'll have 9 months to get used the the idea of twins if you need to. :wink: MUCH love to you!!!
11-02-2011, 03:00 PM
When my husband and I first decided to take the plunge and have kids, we actually sat around trying to plan out when (i.e. what time of year) so that it didn't interfere w/ his job (college basketball coach) and/or with my job at the time (college soccer coach)... b/c we didn't want to have a baby mid-season, right?! Laughable that we tried to plan it. Well, then it took us a LOOONGG time to conceive our firstborn, and it was a hard road, and we abandoned the "timing it right" plan and decided that simply having a child was waaaay more important than timing it right. And it took a while. And then our firstborn came into the world BAM! smack in the middle of my husband's season. Whoops. :) But we were thrilled.
I cannot speak to twins, as I haven't done that. But I can speak to having 2 wee ones at the same time in an unexpected fashion, and as terrified as I was when I learned I was pregnant w/ #2 while #1 was only 13mo old... I wouldn't have it any other way now that I am in the situation. My boys (oldest will be 4 in Jan, youngest will be 2 in a couple of weeks) love each other dearly, and play together, and I can't even imagine them "spread out" by a few years as I had originally thought it would happen.
Lately they sit at the kitchen table during meals, doing things that are funny to them but serve only to get them in trouble ("are those peas on my curtains?! what the what?!"), and they giggle at each other and then turn and look at me with wide-open-innocent "I didn't do anything!" eyes... and even though they're infuriating, it's hard not to love watching two little boys become brothers for life. I can imagine it's this way when you have twins, in terms of the pros outweighing the cons. :) Like everyone above me said already... hard? YES! and YES! Having 2 little ones will test your sanity. But once you get through that first 6mo-1yr or so, well... you'll feel like you've been doing it forever.
So, so worth it. I say go for it.
11-02-2011, 03:11 PM
Chloé, one of my very best friends has twins and it has been a complete positive for her and her husband. As Vanessa says, it was pretty crazy at the beginning. I think she probably doesn't even remember the first year. It was such a whirlwind. But when they got a little older and were crawling and then walking, they had a playmate at all times. She never felt like she had to "entertain one child". She's very involved in her kids lives, but she was able to let them just play together, which was really nice. Now, they each have their own interests and they've very different little girls....well, young teenagers now. (Yikes. I just realized that!) But they're also very close and I think will be for life.
GO FOR IT!
11-02-2011, 03:17 PM
You're the best, I knew it was a good idea to ask you girls for advice and wisdom! <3
if transferring 2 embryos means twice as much chance of just one sticking, I think it's a no brainer.
Yeah, if only it was that easy, I wouldn't be torturing my mind to try to find the best answer! With one embryo the chances to get pregnant are 30%, and with two it's maybe 35%. And often (even though it isn't as true with frozen embryo versus "fresh" ones) it's all or nothing: either both stick, or none. At least in the beginning, but as many experienced it can change until the end of the pregnancy.
I think I'm gearing towards getting both transferred. As you all said, the first months are tough, but we'll (have to) make it work. It would probably have been hard even with one kid, knowing myself! We have friends and family around for support, and it'll be much easier for them to share a room if they are twins than if they have a big difference in their ages. And I've always wanted to have 2 kids, not one, but DBF isn't very motivated to try more than once seeing how hard it is for us to get pregnant, so if I finally get pregnant with both and they stick, having a 2-in-1 would solve this problem! ;) We'll see, we still have a couple weeks to think about it and make our minds.
11-02-2011, 03:50 PM
My sister has twins through IUI and like other said, at the beginning it was not so easy - but they all learned.
11-02-2011, 04:03 PM
Well, I'm a twin, and my mom survived :lol:
11-02-2011, 04:27 PM
LOL Pamie, good for her! And you!!
11-02-2011, 08:56 PM
Well, I'm a twin, and my mom survived :lol:
There's another one of you out there?! Oh. My. Goodness. :lol: hahahahaha JK! ;)
11-02-2011, 10:12 PM
I'm a twin mom (they are six now) ... we were on a really limited budget for the first few years but we made it through. I will say that the first two years were HARD. Not impossible hard but hard. Mostly because of the challenge of caring for not one but two babies. Lack of sleep was the norm. I don't have a solid memory of the first two years. It's a blur! But, I wouldn't trade a moment of our life with our twins, despite how hard it has been at times.
I initially felt so overwhelmed by the idea of twins but you figure it out. You really do. You can do it. You really can. You find a way. Our finances were tight - especially with diapers and formula, etc for two - but we managed it. They shared a room until they were 3 because we didn't have room to separate them.
Looking back, I'm GLAD we were given the opportunity to raise twins! It's been an amazing ride!
BTW - feel free to PM me if you ever just want to talk or if you have specific questions ... I'm happy to help in any way that I can!
11-02-2011, 10:21 PM
There's another one of you out there?! Oh. My. Goodness. :lol: hahahahaha JK! ;)
Scary, right?!?! Actually, we're fraternal twin sisters (not identical) and about as different as night and day. But I still get weird looks from people who don't know I have a twin when I inadvertantly say "our birthday". Like I think I'm royalty or something... :lol:
11-02-2011, 10:38 PM
my aunt and uncle had twins after doing fertility secretly for a long time.
the munchkins are three, and i don't know how my aunt does it. but they're managing. the kids are in the same room, they don't sleep unless they're with each other. and, the kids have a built in playmate. so i think the pros would outweigh the cons.
11-02-2011, 11:17 PM
I just hope that you guys will have success, Chloe. You're in my prayers. Whatever comes, 1 or 2 or 12, I know that you will handle it with as much grace and humor as anybody could muster. :) I'll just pray that you guys are blessed! :heart:
11-02-2011, 11:20 PM
after those first 4 months or so, you get used to it and you do whatever it is that you have to do. Everything falls in place and suddenly you cannot even imagine having only one at a time ROFL. It's great to see them growing together and well worth all the headache. Is it easy? no. Is it worth it? sure thing.
I had my twins when their older sister had just turned 3 a month before. For a while there - I think one child or another was awake 24/7. And Lauren (youngest twin) was not an easy baby and still has some issues (she has low tone and it creates some difficulties for her - but its pretty mild).
So yeah - the start is tough and you might even find yourself once or twice standing in front of the freezer eating chocolate ice cream right out of the carton wondering if you'll make it and is there a way you can just leave town for a while.
But you will make it! and it will be so worth it.
Having twins is really pretty special - its given me a whole new view of children (of people really). My DH often says he feels sorry for people who only have one at a time!
11-03-2011, 02:02 PM
LMAO, Laura and Pamie, you crack me up!
Cathrine, that's so sweet. You girls almost make me want to have triplets with all the love you show in your stories... ALMOST! LOL
Sinead... 12??? Ugh, maybe not! LOL
11-03-2011, 03:15 PM
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