Guidance please.....

[d2vasquez]

I am sitting here....trying to focus and reading threads but need some input and since you guys already know pretty much about me - turning here....

My girls are in summer day camp while I work. Yesterday there was an incident at the school and I am just beside myself. Apparently some of the older boys at the school (who I am told are unruly) threw something at a dad who came to pick up his kid yesterday afternoon. The dad lost it and went running after the boys to do whatever he was going to do. In his pathway was my little one (Hayley) and in his anger - he pulled her hair and shoved her aside. Yes, actually touched my child and yanked her aside by her hair!

The teachers were able to get this man out of the classroom away from the kids without anyone else being harmed. My oldest was in tears most of the night because she felt she let me down cuz she didn't protect her sister. Now of course I reassured her that no one could have predicted the man's actions - and she did the best - consoled her sister afterwards.

I have spoken (if you can call my screaming that) to the school and have been reassured that the area manager is coming out today to determine what needs to be done (as if it isn't already obvious) and that licensing was contacted about the incident. So my question is - shouldn't the police be called to document the incident even though there was no bodily harm? A grown up lost it around kids and took action against a child publicly and no longer had the ability or common sense to see why that was not wrong.

I am sitting here in work trying to focus on stuff and not feel like the loser parent that I couldn't be there to protect them but I just have this nagging inside that not all the appropriate steps are being taken for this situation. What do you think?

[Tara18]

o wow, i dont blame you for not being able to sit and concentrate. i wouldnt be able to get this off of my mind. yes, i think the police should be called to document everything. i think the boys that threw stuff at the man, and also the man should publically (in front of the group that saw what was going on) to your dd. (those kids need to know that that behavior is unacceptable) the man should have acted like a MAN and not an animal and not acted out of anger.

i feel so bad for both of your dd's. you can tell that you have raised your children well, if your older dd was so upset beacuse she felt like she didnt protect her lil sister. you have done a great job as a mother, darla.

i would be having a meeting with the teachers and supervisors.

((hugs))

[Mandy]

Bless your heart, Darla. I cant imagine how it would feel. You must be absolutely enraged!!
When you asked if the cops should be called, I was a little bit shocked! You mean they didnt call during/immediately after the incident?
THAT doesnt seem right. The cops should have already been called and a report already been filed. I would have insisted that the cops be called before they let the man go. It just doesnt seem right at all.

[RachelS]

sounds to me like what he did was assault and i would call the police

[tamra]

I am sorry Hayley had to see that and be a part of it, as well as her sister. I agree though. I would think that they would have called the police (or SHOULD have). This mans behavior needs to be reported so that if it happends again - or something worse - it will show that it wasn't a one time incident. He needs to have that kind of thing on record.

[tamra]

Darla, with all this being said- don't feel worse that you didn't call the police. I know that when something like that has just happened you are just in shock and so angry that you don't know what to do. The thought of someone hurting your kids is the worst thing imaginable. You love your girls, made sure both were ok but now can't get it off of your mind. So now you can call the police if the school won't!

[scrapsandsass]

I agree. How shocking. I would like to say that I can't believe an adult would do that, but lately it seems like a lot of people are just on edge or beyond. I think that the police should be contacted. The school definitely needs to step up and take action on that. They shouldn't place the responsibility on you.

I'm so sorry to read that. Your poor kids. :(

[abbysmommy]

I would DEFINITELY call the police. That behavior was abusive and, yes, assault. A grown man with so little control that he would intentionally harm a child needs to be dealt with... and harshly, IMO. Please call. You won't feel better until you do. I'm so sorry, Darla. That is a horrible story. :(

[Nonnie917]

Definitly call the police. It should be reported because by law that is assault on a child. Don't let it go, because if your child ends up in counseling because of this someone is going to have to pay and you will need that report. The school is responsible too. They should have kicked those boys out after the first couple of days of not being able to control them. Your poor babies. I hope they don't suffer too much from this scarey incident.

[InLoveWithDOTS]

sounds to me like what he did was assault and i would call the police
This is totally how I feel, too, Darla! Is there any chance you can take a week off to be with the kids? It sounds like what they went through was very traumatic!

[chloe]

Poor you! This man did something unforgivable, no matter how angry, stupid or anything else he was, he shouldn't have touched Hayley or any other child. This is just making me go crazy. What could he do to his own child??? He's a real danger and calling the police would be a good idea, I think.

Don't blame yourself for not being there when this happened, you did not make anything wrong, he's the only one to blame for this stupid incident. Big hugs to you and your daughters, they've been very brave.

[RachelS]

man this is still bothering me! so in addition to my advice to call the police, here is another reason to call them:

show your daughters that what happened is not okay. and do something about it. stand up for them and call the police. they need to know that it is never okay for something like that to happen and that someone (a parent or the police if necessary) will help them.

[Laura_A]

The police should most definitely have been called! This man not only lost his temper and THREATENED young kids, but he actually hurt one in the process. This incident needs to be on record in case it ever happens again. Your poor little girl! Darla, I wish I could hug all 3 of you right now... having 2 girls myself I can imagine how I'd feel in your shoes... and let's not even get started on what my husband would be doing.

[sinead]

Dude, I'd call the police and not wait for the school/camp to do it. If nothing else, it needs to be documented that he was so negligent in the face of young children. If he could get that incensed when someone threw something at his car, who knows what else he does when really provoked? Scary!! (((hugs))) super hugs to your girls. I know that's got to be a sucky situation!

[mamakimberly]

oh Darla!! I would be upset too!!! I hope you are able to get some concrete answers on steps that will be taken.

((hugs))

[thequeenofquirk]

i would have called the police sweetie. it IS technically assault, but dh wanted me to point out (NOT trying to play devil's advocate here) that this could be construed as child abuse and could be on his record forever. anyway, so there's the 2 sides i see. whatever you do, do what your heart tells you or you'll never be finished with this situation. (((HUGS)))

[MarshaZepeda]

and let's not even get started on what my husband would be doing.
ditto! Darla - call the police... if the school doesn't want to get involved, oh well. I would press charges PERSONALLY against the man that touched my baby girl! AND let me tell you, they WOULD NOT EVER return to that school either! If they won't stand up for you, then you don't need to support them either... The kid belonging to that lunatic parent should be kicked out as well... that way that man won't ever have any need to be back. SHEESH! Some people!

[sinead]

i would have called the police sweetie. it IS technically assault, but dh wanted me to point out (NOT trying to play devil's advocate here) that this could be construed as child abuse and could be on his record forever. anyway, so there's the 2 sides i see. whatever you do, do what your heart tells you or you'll never be finished with this situation. (((HUGS)))

Jan (or Jan's husband) is right in that it could be construed as child abuse and will follow this guy around, but the bottom line is that he is an adult and that was unacceptable behavior for an adult, especially at a school with lots of other kids. In my opinion, it SHOULD follow him around. He SHOULD have to explain why something like that is on his record. Maybe it'll keep him from being such an irrational hot head in the future.


Also, if anyone (the police, the school, anyone) gives YOU grief for calling the cops after the fact, you can simply say that you were hoping the school would handle it properly. The bottom line, though, is that many places would attempt to handle this in-house and not involve the police. It becomes a much bigger issue (and they become more legally libel for their role in it--why wasn't there someone to stop him BEFORE he got as far as your DD, for example) when the police get involved. Even if the police tell you there's nothing they can do, at least you have the peace of mind that you have done everything that you can to show your girls that things like this aren't acceptable and should not be tolerated. ((hugs)) again!

[SheScraps]

Oh my gosh...this is just unbelievable! The police should have been called when the incident happened IMO. An adult had the intentions of and did cause harm to a child. I think this guy is SO lucky that you are the level headed person that you are cause I think if this had happened to my little one...the police would definately be called but it would be that guy calling the police on me. LOL Wow...I'm just in shock. What a total psycho that guy must be!

[ccouch]

well, darla, it looks like you've got lots of great advice here, and i don't guess i have much to add. i am so sorry that you and your girls have been placed in this predicament. my little one is much younger and the times when i've had to stand up for her have been few, but i can empathize with what you must be going through. i'll pray for wisdom for you to make the right decision in handling this, and for the peace in doing so. (hugs)

[jencaputo]

Darla, i am covered in chills reading this! I cannot believe someone would lose his temper like this around the children, going so far as to hurt one he didn't even know. Can you even imagine what he may do to his own kids if he looses his temper at home and they either got in the way or worse yet, were the object of his wrath. Definitely call the police, this is way too scary and wrong not to. Huge hugs to you and the girls.

[nbeaudreau]

Darla, I'm so sorry that you and your family have to deal with a situation like this. Some kind of action does need to be taken, so please call the police. Your family will be in my prayers tonight.

{{{HUGS}}}

[Rynonut Mom]

Ok - not much else to add either, except to say that sucks and I'm so sorry for you and your sweet baby girls! Will be thinking of you and them...

[d2vasquez]

Thank you all for your support and suggestions. I have called the police and will be going down to file a report. I have been in contact with the school most of the morning as to what actions I want taken and will meet with them tonight after work. I think I needed to post this in order to get past the tremendous guilt that I feel that because I work they were there and had to go through all that. I know logicially no one could have predicted this irrational behavior of the parent but as I am sure all you can relate to - as a parent you always want to be there to stop and protect your children.

As to moving the girls to another school - the children have been there since Hayley was 6 months - I have had no incidents until this time and I know the school was slow to react at first but have been incredibly receptive today. I am guessing the "Vasquez" girls will be watched more so than ever due to the situation and the school's possible liability.

And the girls? They are happy as a lark because the school's field trip today was unexpectedly changed and they got to go to the movies to see "Cars." Funny how kids move on faster than adults..... :)

[JustDee]

Oh gosh how awful.*hugs* to you & your girls.

[Rynonut Mom]

I'm proud of you Darla!

And I love that they've moved on and are happily watching Cars! That goes to show that you've made them feel safe and secure not matter wiether they are home with you or not! :)

[MarshaZepeda]

I'm proud of you Darla!

And I love that they've moved on and are happily watching Cars! That goes to show that you've made them feel safe and secure not matter wiether they are home with you or not! :)
Ditto! YOU are a GREAT mom... and I understand your guilt but even if you WERE there, you'd still feel guilty... kwim? We as moms are just wonderful at beating ourselves up over every lil bad thing that happens to our kids... :60: Hugs to you and I hope that everything works out at the PD and the school... :)

[AmberC]

Hugs to you and your girls, Darla!!

[Lynn]

The girls will be FINE Darla - they are obviously happy and secure and that is down to you. But I can only imagine how YOU are feeling! Wish the school could have handled it better. {hugs}

[SarahJ]

Oh Darla, I'm so sorry that this happened. I have been thinking about you all day long. Take care!

[sinead]

Yet another thing that they don't tell you about in the pregnancy books--the overwhelming sense of guilt that can strike you at any moment, especially when you had no control over any of it to begin with!

I'm glad that the girls are ok and that the school has been receptive and responsive--that's a good sign. Probably they were just as freaked out yesterday, too. (Plus it sounds like it was at the end of the school day anyway.)

((hugs)) to you--I know what you mean about having to say it out loud (or write it down) to help solidify in your mind the path that you need to take. Glad things are working themselves out!