Men vs. insensitivity issues?

[scrapsandsass]

I'm wondering. Does being a man make them genetically predisposed to be insensitive at times? Or am I just too sensitive tonight?

I was viewing the forums for a few minutes after dinner. DH changed the tv channel I had turned on and then proceeded to fall asleep in the chair. (That man can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. He was literally just commenting about something on tv 30 seconds before that... and the next thing I know... he's snoring.) After a few minutes of snoring, he shifted and opened his eyes, then he got up and went to the bedroom (at 8:30). I thought that he was going to be irritated because I was on the computer... or that he'd be asleep, so I grabbed my laptop and went into the bedroom. He was awake, and flipping through all of the cable channels. I asked him if he was looking for anything in particular. He said no, and that there was nothing of interest on. I asked him if we could just flip it to TNT because the next installment of the new Stephen King series was going to be on. He actually said no... and that he wasn't interested in watching that... so I had to go back into the living room. :( It's totally irritating because he won't be awake long enough to care what is on tv, so then it makes me feel like he just didn't want me around. :(

It is especially frustrating because we generally carpool and have two hours of commuting every day where we can talk/catch up and we haven't had that all week, but it must not bother him because he's been distant all night. :(

I am probably overreacting... but we never have fights or weird spots, so this is totally out of character for him.

Does anyone else have men with funky patches?

[noralong]

You know, I think men just don't get it. I will never forget my parents arguing once. Mom was sooooo mad, she decided to give Dad "the silent treatment." She didn't even look at him the whole evening. About the time to go to bed, he sat his recliner up and said, yes he actually said this, "This has been the nicest evening!" Mom was seething before that, but I guess his total lack of awareness of her feelings made her understand he was just in a different place!

Or maybe women don't get it! Bill and I went round and round for a couple of years after we were married. I wanted his attention as soon as we were together, usually after he got home from work. He finally told me enough times that he just needed a little bit of space to "decompress" after work. So, I started to give that to him, and he turned back into his old affectionate self!

Oh, I know each couple is different, but I would be willing to bet he is being a man, and working something through on his own. Oh, and we haven't had a fight in years, either!

[hardenmind]

yeppers.. men go thru things similar to pms..
mine goes silent and distant from time to time..and it normally boils down to.. hes thinkin about something.. and he NEVER says a word... so im left thinkin.. ITS ME

[scrapsandsass]

Thanks ladies. That makes me feel better. I think all of the work stress over the past few weeks has gotten to me and made me really sensitive. I'll just wait and see how he is tomorrow. :)

[AmyK]

There was an article in Real Simple two months ago about the differences between men and women, and I thought it was really informative. There was a research study about the genders and how they viewed emotions. The men and women were shown a picture of a woman who was crying. 90% of the women and 90% of the men were able to identify that emotion as sadness. Then they were shown another photo of a woman who was sad but not crying. 90% of the women were able to perceive the emotion. But only 40% of the men were able to correctly discern that the woman in the photo was sad.

Men are wired differently, it's as simple as that! If you're not crying, they have no idea that they are about to get backhanded! :lightning With my own husband, I have found that I have to start the conversations, because he often has no idea that we even have a problem. So I imagine that your husband has NO IDEA that what he said and did was harsh towards you. I love my husband more than anything, but even he will tell you that men are clueless. I hope you have a better night!

[MarshaZepeda]

Don't take it too personally... I know that when mine is thinking deeply about something (finances especially) he gets very withdrawn and quiet. I've had to accept the fact that he's not a "talker" like me, lol! Maybe you should of taken the opportunity to turn off the tv and laptop and have quiet snuggle time? Or even talk about stuff since you say you haven't had the carpool thing this week... :60:

[sinead]

Yeah, I have a feeling he was probably not meaning to be rude or insensitive...more likely, he's tired or stressed out. I know that my DH has to be hit over the head with my emotions sometimes before he realizes something's up with me. (Or, if I'm feeling more productive than that, I actually initiate the conversation instead of waiting for him to pick up on my signals.) They just aren't as in tune with their emotions or the emotions of others as women are. My dad says that men see the big picture and women see the details. Neither is bad, for we need both for everything to work properly--we're just all wired differently.

Sorry you had a rough evening. I hope today is better! :regular_s

[InLoveWithDOTS]

Men and tvs are a crazy mix. I run into that same thing, where Scott is SNORING but if I change the channel, he wakes and yells "Hey, I was watching that!" lol. I also know exactkly what you mean about them getting irritated about online time, but why be upstairs in bed to watch them sleep, kwim?

Anyway, I find normal marriages have some ups and downs...... its a little bit like a rollercoaster and this doesnt sound like something that would be marriage ending or anything.

[Tara18]

i agree with the male pms comment. mine gets it all the time lol.

dh and i go through different phases all the time. (we are right now actually lol)

[sinead]

I clearly remember some times when Dad had 3 tvs on in the house (different sporting events) and was outside doing yard work or something. The INSTANT that someone changed a channel, he was like, "Hey! I was watching that!" I always wondered if he had x-ray vision or something! lol

[d2vasquez]

:) I am smiling because although my dh is one of the best guys out there but he has his moments that I just have to turn and walk away because I may say something that is really not appropriate. I have come to learn what the "telltale" signs are and then just make sure that me and the girls stay away from him. In the same token, there are many times he has no idea that there is anything up with me until there is an "explosion" in our home. I find that both of us have new quirks every so often and we seem to have found a way to adjust or cope with it so there is little drama in our home....

[d2vasquez]

I clearly remember some times when Dad had 3 tvs on in the house (different sporting events) and was outside doing yard work or something. The INSTANT that someone changed a channel, he was like, "Hey! I was watching that!" I always wondered if he had x-ray vision or something! lol


LOL I am laughing because honestly this is me (without the loud snoring). When I was a little girl my mother used to go to night school and we were home with a baby-sitter in the evenings. I always remember that I couldn't fall asleep until I heard Johnny Carson on - which meant my mother was home. As an adult, I "have to have" the tv on to fall asleep and if I am not all the way asleep I get mad when I hear him try to shut the tv off. Drives my dh mad because he likes the room to be completely dark and quiet to sleep and since I stay up late - I pretty much wake him up when I am trying to go to sleep..... :)

[scrapsandsass]

Awwww... thanks ladies. :) I do feel much better. He acted like normal this morning and even seemed to have missed me. It was good though because I had some quiet me time and even got a LO done and posted. Haha. Boys are so weird. :D