Feeling Upset....

[KarenLewis]

I picked my daughter (aged 4) up from school today and as she was saying goodbye to her friend, her friends mum said "See you on Sunday at the party." "What party?" I said. OOPS!!!
Two questions:
1. Who is having this party?
2. Why was my daughter not invited? :sad_smile

My daughter doesn't seem to be too bothered about it and maybe it's just maternal instincts on my part but I feel quite defensive and upset. I mean its not nice to think she wasn't included.

[Laura_A]

Aww Karen, I know exactly how you're feeling. My oldest is 6 and in 1st grade. Her best friend is finally in the same class with her and lately her friend hasn't been wanting to play with her. It breaks my heart when she tells me that. I mean, I knew the day would come when she'd come home saying so-and-so called her names, or so-and-so doesn't want to be my friend... cuz it just happens. But I definitely wasn't prepared for it so soon. I just want her to love school and love being with people and I want so badly to protect her from the things that make kids feel sad or self concious... but I can't, it's part of life and everyone has to experince it. It still kills me though.

I don't really have any advice except to love her tons and tons. As long as she knows that her family thinks she is the most special girl in the world, she'll be just fine!

Promise you won't jump the mom who didn't invite her. hahaha

[KarenLewis]

LOL - I'll try and restrain myself.

[sinead]

Ohhh....that's so sad. :( I'm steeling myself for those moments because I'm sure they're in our future, too. ((hugs)) glad your daughter isn't too upset by it, though!

[Cynnder]

awe man..another thing i never actually ever thougth about..sheesh growing up is hard...sorry mom...i have no advice...

[tamra]

Sorry to hear that Karen - and Laura. It is really hard for little ones. My 5 year old daughter in kindergarden is so sweet and super SUPER sensitive. It is hard because she gets her feelings hurt so easily, but at the same time it makes her more sensitive to other kids feelings. She came home yesterday saying that no one would play with a little boy at school, so she played with him! And Friday she got in trouble- she told a girl she was acting ugly because the girl was being mean to someone else. I'm glad she makes the connection that other peoples feelings get hurt just like hers do. Anyway, as parents we hate to see our kids hurting, not being invited or included. Maybe you can use this as an opportunity to reinforce being nice and kind to everyone- like: "you don't ever want to hurt someone's feelings by not including them, so if you see someone playing alone... invite them to play with you!" I'm not saying that she isn't nice to everyone - I am sure that she is, just sayin' you could remind her that it hurts peoples feelings when they are left out - like it did hers/YOURS! :)

Sorry for the long post!

[Rynonut Mom]

Ryan's BD is in Dec. which means 2 things.
A - it's close to Christmas and everyone's busy/overbooked/short on money
B - school's going on

I've made it a policy to him that either we have a BD party that everyone can be invited to at the park, or we have a party at the bowling alley/train park that he can only invite 1 good friend to. We've been going every other year so far. I'm a firm believer that you can't invite "some" of the kids from school - you have to invite all or none. I don't think it's fair to the kids and causes hurt feelings.

Of course - 2 years ago - we invited his class (all 24) and we had 1 child attend. Needless to say - I made goodies bags and cupcakes for all! Oh well!

[d2vasquez]

Ohhh it is tough not taking the fact your kid wasn't invited to something "personally".....my oldest struggled cuz she was shy and always came home with no one would play with me - out of 40 kids. It took awhile but she has found her "core" friends. In our school however, it is mandatory that if you have a party and wanted to give out invites at school - you have to invite the entire class because of hurt feelings. If you are doing a smaller thing - you have to hand it to the parent outside of school. We did invite the whole class and dang if I didn't get 35 kids and siblings.....but now she is older and her parties are just a few friends that she plays with.

However, Hayley is turning 6 in 2 months and yes we will invite the entire class and I have already talked with the teacher to ensure each kid will get the invite (they are only kindergarteners) just to make sure we don't miss anyone.

Good luck to you.....these are the things I hate that my kid has to go through but know that you aren't alone feeling this.

[~ashleigh]

Yuck!! I am so sorry, that just sucks. My oldest dd is very sensitive, and I am so overprotective of her feelings, too. This is one of those things that you just wish they didn't have to deal with.

Our school also has an all or none policy, too. You can invite all the girls, or all the kids. Otherwise, you can invite them privately, outside of school. I hope it helps cut down on hurt feelings, but unfortunately I'm sure it will still happen. I agree with Tamra - at least you can use this as a learning experience.

[KimberlyGiarrusso]

Oh i know how that goes. My DD's birthday is 4 days after Xmas, and it seems like everyone is just too busy, broke or whatever to participate. I think the park thing is a great idea. We have always done birthdays with the family party thing with no kids (we are the first on both sides to have children). Last year we did the park thing and just told everyone from our church where and when. It was great to have a relaxed day with no hurt feelings. AND escpecially nice to have kids around. Mine are still too little yet to worry about who's invited or not, but about a year ago we were not invited to a birthday party and even though they didn't know, or care, I was crushed FOR them.



Ryan's BD is in Dec. which means 2 things.
A - it's close to Christmas and everyone's busy/overbooked/short on money
B - school's going on

I've made it a policy to him that either we have a BD party that everyone can be invited to at the park, or we have a party at the bowling alley/train park that he can only invite 1 good friend to. We've been going every other year so far. I'm a firm believer that you can't invite "some" of the kids from school - you have to invite all or none. I don't think it's fair to the kids and causes hurt feelings.

Of course - 2 years ago - we invited his class (all 24) and we had 1 child attend. Needless to say - I made goodies bags and cupcakes for all! Oh well!

[Nonnie917]

Okay, now I'm gonna cry. I hate it when my little Riley gets hurt. She is so sensitive and she was so excited about her best friend being in the same class with her. This ole grandma wants to go into PROTECT mode, but can't because she is so far away. I feel so helpless, but I know Laura is right. But, it still hurts to think of my granddaughter having to go through lifes heartaches. Guess this granddma loves too much. I can't wait until they get home.

[noralong]

You know, I never really thought of this as an issue. I guess it just went over my head. When we were kids, we all had neighborhood parties. Kids from school never expected to go to a party in a different neighborhood, so it was never an issue. And, the next generation of our family always prefers small core groups of friends.

I think if you just acknowledge that others have parties that your children aren't invited to, and not make it an issue of exclusion, they will be fine with it, too.

[AngelinaS]

Awww, that does stink. :(

[KarenLewis]

You girls are right. I shouldn't take it personally. Caitlyn isn't worried about it and I haven't made a big deal of it with her. Move on, grow and learn from it. I guess thats my life lesson for today.